Old Fart: The Ramblings of a New Yorker

2004-05-08T20:50:00.000-07:00

I know that no one will ever read this here. That's the whole point. I really feel the need to write these things but I can't actually have anyone I know read this. This is post is for my my own emotional gratification only. Not that I expect to get a whole lot of gratification from this.

I guess it's more of a case where I need to say these things to someone or something. Even if it's just a feeble shout into the empty wilderness of this little bit of cyberspace. My writing this makes it more real somehow. Stupid, I know.

I've been alone for most of my life. At least I've felt alone for most of my life. I've always thought of suicide but never very seriously, my own cowardice and fear assured that I'd never take my own life. However, lately I feel that's a situation that could slowly be changing.

Lately all I can think about is how alone I am. I feel as if my loneliness is killing me slowly from the inside-out. I constantly think about death and wonder if it would be better to be dead than to continue to live as I am. I just want the pain to go away.

All I can think about is the one thing I can't seem to have. More than anything I want a girlfriend. How fucking pathetic is it that I can't attract a woman? What the fuck is my problem?

I could understand if I was amazingly ugly. But while I might not be a heart throb or anything I'm at least average looking, maybe even a bit above average. I see far uglier guys all the time with cute, even beautiful, girlfriends. So why can't I get a girlfriend at all?

I have come to hate myself. I hate myself for being such a loser. I hate myself for being so weak and for being such a wimp. I have no drive and no discipline. I hate myself for being lazy. I hate myself.

I wish I were stronger, strong enough to not feel this pain or at least to be able to bear it. I used to lie to myself and pretend that it didn't really effect me much or at least not for long. But now I can't lie any longer. This is crippling me. It was all I could do to get through work tonight without breaking down.

How much longer can I hold out? How much longer can I go through my normal routine of work while all I really want to do is go somewhere and curl up in a ball and weep? I've been holding on for so very long and hoping for so very long and I'm tired of it all.

I think I've cried more in the last week or two than I have in the last several years. How pathetic. Even worse, the sound of my own weeping sounds fake and forced to even myself. As if I can't even be honest with my own sorrow even when there's nobody around to hear me.

In all honesty I deserve pain. I deserve to be alone. I deserve death. Maybe one of these days I'll take a bottle of sleeping pills and never wake up. A cowardly way to kill myself I know but then I AM a coward. If I had any strength I'd have the decency to at least use a gun or jump off a tall building.

I know I'm supposed to have hope but there is no hope. Even if a girl was attracted to me how long would she stay? Obviously I'm an emotional wreck. What woman would want me after finding out just how fucked up I am? A sweet catch 22. A beautiful vicious circle.

Because I've been alone so long I am desperate and needy. Upon finding out how desperate and needy I am even interested women would walk away. Which of course would render me even more desperate and needy. Making me even less attractive to women.

I know this all sounds pessemistic and needlessly doom and gloom. But I can't just feel optimistic. I can't just feel good about myself. To try and pretend that I do would be a lie. I am who I am and I feel what I feel. What I have written here is ugly but it is the truth. Moreover, it is one of the few times I've been completely honest about how I am.

I hate my life; that is the truth. I hate myself; that is the truth. Even though I'm too much of a coward right now to kill myself someday that might change; that is the truth.

2002-10-11T13:34:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about actually paying money for hosting. Probably one of the stupider ideas I've ever had. I know next to nothing about creating websites and the only real benefit I'd get is that I could get the pics on this blog page to work properly. Since nobody reads this damn blog why exactly should I care what it looks like?

As for the site itself, nobody's going there now so why would that change just because I'm paying for it? Although I have been thinking about putting together a Project A-ko fansite. Buit again, since I know very little about website construction there's very little I could do in that regard so I'd end up paying for a bunch of storage and bandwidth that I'd never use.

I suppose it's just as well, I don't need to get involved in yet another project that I'll never finish. I have far too many of those already.

2002-10-06T14:58:00.000-07:00

Damn it! This the third time I tried making this blog entry! Friggin Internet Explorer crashed on me. Lousy piece of SHIT!!!

I'm not going to bother with what I was going to post. In fact I don't feel like bothering with anything now after all that.

2002-09-30T15:01:00.000-07:00

It's kinda funny to find myself with a renewed interest in blogging after so much inattention for so long a period of time. I've pretty much killed off the regular readers but I'm blogging anyways. Perhaps it's just my perversity shining through. I have no idea if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

I suppose I'll fill you (whoever you might be, if indeed there's anyone ay all) in on the recent happenings. I'm still bummed out about wrecking the car but the good news is I actually made out, sort of. When it was all said and done I actually made around a $600 profit off the insurance. I was lucky enough to have bought a car at a price that was much less than it's actual book value.Of course it's going to cost me in the long run due to higher insurance premiums but as of right now I'm a bit ahead. So things could certainly be worse.

On the down side my regular job hasn't been doing so hot, the last couple of weeks there's been hardly any work at all. In fact I only worked three days last week. If this keeps up I'm going to have to get yet anothwer part time job. Perhaps I should pursue a career as a professional car wrecker. I do have the experience after all.

Well, onto other topics. Or rather a topic that I have expounded on at length on this blog before. Of course with the archives gone like a fart in the wind we can't go back to check out those those classic posts but anywho...

Yes I mean complaining about chicks, or rather the lack of any such creature in my life. A few nights ago I was on Yahoo! and just for giggles I decided to check out the Yahoo! personals. I'm sure we all know just how useless such a pastime is but I'm nothing if not a bit masochistic. So of course I decided to waste my time checking out all the girls I'll never meet.

Let me tell you a little something about people who run personals sites or services. They could give a shit about people's happiness or whether or not you or I ever meet someone at all ever in our lives. You could live the rest of your life being lonely and bitter and they could care shit-all about that. All they care is that we are desperate enough to go to their site and waste our money in the vain attempt to relieve the pain of being lonely. They are the ultimate in human vultures, making money off of other people's pain. These are people without so much as a smidgen of human compassion.

Oh sure, they'll have glowing testimonials about the happy couples who met through thier service. But how about the thousands of people who spent good money and got nothing at all foir their troubles?

In my opinion the people who run dating services should be dragged out into the streets and shot like the scum that they are.

Ah, it's great to be able to log on and bitch about my life. Makes me wonder why I stopped blogging for so long.

2002-09-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that all of my nonexistent readers will be thrilled to know that I'm trying to set up my own web page. Oh what joy! It's not anything close to good looking but it is there. I've been struggling with it for the past few days and I imagine it will take many more days before it's near to being done. Actually it will probably take a lot longer than that.

Anyways I've linked it from this blog. It's the "Oldfart's Webpage" link. Take a look and then have a good chuckle at my expense. Really, I don't mind. it's what I'm here for.

2002-09-23T18:46:00.000-07:00

I know no one is reading this and so it really doesn't matter. But just for giggles I'll blog this anyhow.

Yesterday morning I wrecked my beautiful 96 Eagle Vision. It's pretty much totalled. I really don't want to go into to the details of the accident other than to say it's my fault. When I saw what I did to my car I all but cried. Not that it matters that much but I somehow came out of it without more than a couple of bumps.

I really would like to say that there some positive something-or-other to come out of all this but that kind of reasoning sounds pretty weak right now. And believe me, I've been trying to convince myself.

I should be glad to not be seriously injured or dead and I am. But I don't think I can be happy about the situation.

2002-06-15T15:27:00.000-07:00

Just a test to see what happens

2002-03-09T17:32:00.000-08:00

Hello again.

Crazy huh? Two posts in a weeks time. What's the world coming to?

After this much neglect though I can't imagine anyone is reading this.

Last night I went out and bought a couple of games for the computer. Age of Empires Gold Edition and Sim City 3000: Unlimited.
So far I'm really sucking at Age of Empires. Which is amusing because I only got it because a friend has been nagging me to buy it so I can play against him at the Gamezone site. Maybe I'll go on there tonight and get my butt kicked.

Haven't played SimCity 3000 yet. I've had every version of Sim City since it came out and it just keeps getting better so I imagine I'll enjoy it.

Yes, it's a boring game but that's exactly what I am, boring.

2002-03-02T19:00:00.000-08:00

I have no idea if I manged to kill off this blog or not through inattention. My mom used to kill off plants that way. She was a real black thumb.

As you will have noticed, all the graphics for the blog are down. And quite likely will remain so for the foreseeable future. Short Stuff tells me that the site where they were stored is down for good. She might be able to put them somewhere else. Or she might not.

Either way I doubt you care so the question is: why bother telling you this?

Good question. Why bother indeed?

Well, you might be happy to hear I have both a new computer and a cable modem now. Or you might give a rat's ass.

What's amusing is that right now I'm on the old laptop using my dial-up connection.

Here's the important question of the day: why am I such a chucklehead?

Answer: Who knows?

2001-12-21T20:11:00.000-08:00

Yeah, this is as lame as hell. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years.

So I suck. So what?

2001-11-08T13:28:00.000-08:00

Just two more weeks until Thanksgiving. YAY! It'll be great to be able to leave this dump of a town for a few days.

Other than that there's nothing to report. My life is so boring it's pathetic.

Actually, I did go see a movie last weekend, Monsters Inc. It was pretty good, not as good as Toy Story or Toy Story 2 but it was good. As you may or may not know, Monsters Inc. was the first movie to have the Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones trailer. Of course I'll be going to see it when it comes out in May. The silly thing is that apparently some people who bought tickets to Monsters Inc. only stayed long enough to see the Star Wars trailer and left before the movie actually started. Now that's a case of people having too much money.

2001-11-01T16:06:00.000-08:00

Here I am again .... YA-HO!

This has been a weird week. First, my brother was down from Vermont from Saturday night til today. And he brought that hairy carpet of a dog with him. How I despise that thing. Five days of that dog's presence has converted the hardwood floors into a shag rug.

Also, he had car trouble this week. Which is why he was here for so long. He thought his car had a bad fuel pump so he spent the day working on it. Of course his clothes reeked of gasoline after that which made me real happy when he didn't bother to change and stunk up the TV room with the gasoline stench.

There's nothing worse than visiting someone who doesn't have the sense to change clothes after they been rolling aroung in oil and gasoline and consequently their whole house smells like a mechanic's t-shirt. It's almost as bad as going to someone's house and seeing every available surface is jam packed with dirty dishes or dirty diapers. Or both.

Also, I've been watching the World Series and staying way past my bed time. Hey, an oldfart needs his sleep.

I'd blog longer but I'm burning dinner.

2001-10-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

Hi kiddies. I'll bet you thought I had died. No such luck, I just have been extremely lazy for the last month and a half. Plus, in the aftermath of Sept. 11 I just couldn't think of anything worthwhile to write. Nothing going on in my life is important when compared to the destruction of the Trade Center and the death of over 5,000 people.

Still, life must go on I suppose and I think that I have left the blog alone for long enough.

Quite a bit has happened in the last 6 weeks. I have a new car. A 1996 Eagle Vision to be exact. It's in very good shape and it's a rather pretty car. Also, the factory CD system is not too shabby. It hasn't skipped once and this is the city of Troy I'm driving in where the potholes have potholes and you can see where they've put patches on top of other patches. In other words, the streets are a mess in this town.

About the same time I got the car I went through a nice little bout of insomnia. For a while I was getting about 2 to 4 hours of sleep a night. While my sleeping patterns haven't exactly returned to normal things have straightened out for the most part. I'm still waking up in the middle of the night but I'm managing to get 6 to 7 hours of sleep now.

On top of all that a collection agency finally caught up to me in regards to some old credit card debt I had conveniently forgot about. Now I'm a bit poorer but debt free. Or I WOULD be debt free except now I have a car loan. It's worth it though, now I don't have to drive the company pickup do such things as laundry or grocery shopping. How I despise that truck, I wish it blow up so that I wouldn't have to drive it for work either.

I suppose that's all for now. I can't say when the next time I'll blog. But it probably will be less than 6 weeks. Of course I imagine that by now no one's even reading this thing.

2001-09-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

Today is the worst day in the history of the United States of America. This cannot be allowed to pass with out total and complete destruction of our enemies.

I think we knew all knew this day was coming. However, it still seems like a nightmare that I am waiting to wake from. The magnitude of this is so great that I can't grasp it all.

How different New York City will be forever more. It will be impossible to look at New York City without being reminded of this awful day for the rest of all our lives. After the bombing in 93 I went to the observation deck in the World Trade Center after it was opened back up. I'm so glad I did, there'll never be the chance to do it again.

This will be our Pearl Harbor. Indeed, this is so much worse than Pearl Harbor. I want, as I know all Americans do, the total annihilation of the people who are involved. How can we accept less that their blood soaking the ground?

My thoughts and and my sympathies go out to those who lost loved ones in this disaster. It is a dark day for all of us.

2001-09-01T09:03:00.000-07:00

I have been kicking ass as far as getting new anime. In the last month I bought the Tenchi OVA boxset, the first half of the Tenchi Universe set and all the Tenchi movies (the Tenchi Forever movie is by far the best one). I also now own all the Project A-ko DVDs. But the best buys I made were from Ebay. Last month I won the Ranma TV season 1 for a mere $70 which is a darn good deal. (I also won the 1st Ranma movie but to be honest it's pretty lousy, not funny at all and no plot to speak of). Today I won the Ranma Anything Goes Martial Arts Boxset for $77. Am I awesome or what?

Part of the reason I haven't been blogging a whole lot is because I've been busy watching all this anime I've been buying. Maybe it's not a real good reason but it's good enough.

2001-08-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

Bet you all thought I went and died or perhaps got lost in the vast wilderness of the Capital Lands Region. No such luck. I've just been extraordinarily lazy is all.

I would apologize but what's the point? Besides, I figure that I have a total of 0 regular readers by now. Not much to report as my life is so incredably dull. Which is why I haven't been blogging.

Well, I do have some very current news. I have to go take a dump. Seeya.

2001-08-06T16:53:00.000-07:00

I want to apologize yet again for my laziness in blogging. I don't have a good excuse. However, to make up for it I will be posting a rather sizeable blog today.

First off the big news. I just bought a Play Station 2 this past weekend. I also bought to PS2 games to go with it, Gran Turismo 3 and Twisted Metal: Black. So far I think I like Gran Turismo 2 and Twisted Metal 2 better. Boy am I glad that the PS2 is backwards compatible.

The real reason I bought the PS2 was for it's DVD playing ability. I also went and rented some movies over the weekend and one of them was Princess Mononoke on DVD.

I have heard of the movie before of course but never watched it until this weekend. I'm glad I did. Reading the monofish guy's blog I'm pretty sure that he hold's the movie in high esteem. As well he should. Very simply, it may be the greatest anime ever made. Superior perhaps than even Ghost in the Shell.

Princess Mononoke is quite different for an anime movie. First off, not many anime are distributed in the U.S. by the like of Miramax. Also, I can't think of any other Japanese anime that have the likes of Gillian Anderson, Minnie Driver, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Claire Danes and Billy Bob Thornton on the voice actors cast.

The animation itself was gorgeous. The musical score by the Tokyo City Philharmonic Orchestra is absolutely wonderful. No J-Pop for Princess Mononoke for which I am grateful. The english dub (english dubs being generally reviled by a goodly percentage of anime fans) is perfection itself.

If you have not seen this movie yet then go and do so. I can't recommend it enough. It truly is the finest anime movie I have seen to date. And that's saying something that I rate this higher than both Ghost in the Shell and Wings of Honneamise.

I also want to mention the the Monofish Guy has a humorous blog about the man-hater I mentioned in my last blog entry. He's absolutely right, banjo music is better getaway music than piano music.

2001-07-29T15:31:00.000-07:00

I have recently entangled myself in a dispute with a man hating bitch on the net. I stumbled across her site and left a couple of nasty guestbook entries. Which she erased like the coward that she is. Go and and have a chuckle at the list of 200 or so requirements she has for any man that would be stupid enough to want her. Her site is filled with humorous man hating crap.

If you hate stupid feminist man haters like I do then by all means leave a little something in her guestbook.

2001-07-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

Today we will be choosing the correct song lyrics. Enjoy.

Which are the real lyrics?

Is it,"Hold me close, young Tony Danza"

or "Hold me closer tiny dancer" ?

For the longest time I thought that Elton John was a huge Taxi fan.

Now for the next one.

"Go down to Electrical Bananoo, then we'll take it higher"

or, "Go down to Electric Avenue, then we'll take it higher" ?

Hmmmm.... I thought that it was a song about battery operated "toys" throughout my childhood.

And then there's this one.

"Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche in the middle of the night"

or, "Blinded by the light, rev ved up like a deuce in the middle of the night" ?

I remember those awful douche commercials on tv ("Mom, I just don't feel fresh down there") and I couldn't understand why anyone would write a song about douching.

And finally this one.

"Something, something about the pompatus of love"

or, "Something, something about the pompatus of love" ?

Who knew that pompatus is a real word?

2001-07-27T17:00:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine once explained his philosophy of "personal mojo". Basically personal mojo is lying to yourself for the purpose of believing that you're better than you actually are. Someone with good personal mojo can be the biggest loser on the planet and yet feel good about him/herself. Obviously I need to get some personal mojo working.

However, in my experience whenever I feel good about about something in my life is when it shits the bed. If I should get to the point where I feel emotionally strong then it's a certainty that something will come along to break me. The times I think I'm getting to know my way around the area is when I get lost going somewhere. When I get to the point where I think I'm doing ok financially is the time something always happens to knock me back down, whether it be unemployment or just stupidity on my part.

Still, I desperately need some personal mojo. It'll help me feel good about not getting laid.

2001-07-25T18:21:00.000-07:00

I like to think that I'm a fairly intelligent person but I did something super stupid today. We were doing debris removal at house that had a fire in the kitchen. We also tore out all of the carpet.

I was cleaning up the glass where the firefighters had smashed through the living room windows so I could tear out the carpet without knocking broken glass all over the place. There was a chunk glass lodged between the floor trim and the carpet. For whatever reason I wanted get that piece of glass out so I took a chunk of wood and started whacking the chunk of glass. So it should be no surprise that a small piece of glass flew up and hit me in the eye. Of course I freaked for a second. But I lucked out. The piece of glass bounced off my eye doing no real damage that I can tell. Other that giving me a sore eye. In fact my eye still hurts. Guess I should be happy I didn't lose it.

2001-07-22T16:28:00.000-07:00

The weekend is nearly over. Soon I can get back to work so I can get a paycheck so I can continue my meaningless existence. To quote a character from an anime I have, "Up to now my life has been a cosmic joke, pointless and unneccessary." I truly believe it too.

I was going to blog about why I think women suck but why bother? Maybe tomorrow, if I'm feeling more energetic and less blah.

2001-07-21T17:37:00.000-07:00

Ah life, how I hate you so. Yes boys and girls it's going to be one of those blogs today.

There are times when I truly wish a great big rock would fly out of parts unknown and smash the Earth into a trillion small chunks of shit. Right now is one of those times.

I'm so sick of everything. Sick of this sack of shit town. Sick of the shit eaters who populate this town. Sick of the man hating lesbians I see all over the net. Sick of the chicks who pick cretinous boyfriends to show thier disdain for society. Or some such crap.

Yes I'm jealous that those guys. They seem to have no problem getting girlfriends despite the fact that they are not quite to the level of being sub-human. Just goes to show that I'm much more of a loser than even they are.

Yes, I'm pissed that I haven't got laid in so long that I'd probably need someone to tell me where everything goes in order to have sex again. After nearly two years of no sex I can completely sympathize with guys who unexpectedly snap and go on murder sprees.

What's the point of it all? I work my ass off all week and for what? I want more out of life than a lousy paycheck. I don't want to continue on like this.

I'm ungrateful... so what? I don't happen to think that life is some beautiful precious gift. The way I see it life is nothing more than a cruel curse. Why should I believe in the beauty of life when all I see is the ugly trash? I'm so sick of being told I should be thankful for life. Right now I don't feel thankful at all.

I'm sick of choking on my own helpless impotent rage. Sick of always having to try to be the good guy, the nice guy. However, it's what I am. Despite how much I may hate it at times I can't try to something than what I already am. A chump. A chucklehead. A loser.

2001-07-19T15:36:00.000-07:00

As it turns out, my uncle will not be here for the next week but for the next two weeks.Seems that he talked a mutual friend (Tim) that I had emailed a few days before and that Tim had told him that I was under the impression that my uncle would be up for two weeks. Now I know for a fact that I never told Tim any such thing. But that's Tim for you, Mr. Misinformation. If you tell Tim something it's a guarantee that he will screw up the message when he passes on the info to someone else.

Found out something today. There are actually 6 licenses in Gran Turismo 2. I had no idea. There are the C, B, and A licenses. Along with the International C, B and A licenses. What I didn't know was that there is a Super license. I had the game for about 2 yrs now and I never had a clue. Guess I'm just clueless.

2001-07-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

As a regular reader has noted, I am falling down on my blogging. So here's little somethin' somethin' .

This weekend I finally received the Project A-ko Protoculture Addicts RPG in the mail. YAY!! Ok, so you people could give a rat's ass. I'm happy about it at any rate.

Also, my uncle is coming up tomorrow and he'll be staying with me for about a week. I anticipate much playing Gran Turismo 2 and watching anime while we stuff our selves sick on potato chips, pretzels and the like. What glorious week it will be indeed.

2001-07-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

Last week I was at the gas station filling up the much hated Ford pickup when I saw that there was a rainbow over the city. While I was looking at the rainbow I got to thinking of the whole "pot of gold at the end of the rainbow" myth. Of course there is no actual "end of the rainbow" but when you see a rainbow it certainly appears to touch the ground from where ever you are. A nice illusion that is. So I could just imagine somebody searching for the end of the rainbow in order to get their pot of gold. No matter how hard they search they'll never find it because it doesn't actually exist.

I sometimes wonder if happiness isn't the same way. We see something and think "If only I had that I would be happy". But the more we try to find happiness the more elusive it becomes. Perhaps happiness is just as much an illusion as the rainbow. We think we see the end of the rainbow (our happiness) on the next hill. So of course we hurry to the spot where we thought we saw it and it's nowhere to be seen.

Perhaps I'm wrong but I often think that life is nothing more than a joke on us all.

2001-07-12T15:58:00.000-07:00

Today I think I'll blog about a rather weird dream I had recently.

In the dream I was living in a house with several friends. A "dream house" ha ha ha ha... ok, sorry.

Anyways, in the dream I was at the front door trying to keep it shut because a lion was trying to bust in for the perpose of killing us all. I was the only one keeping the door shut I might add.

The lion eventually gets tired and goes away defeated. Or so I thought until it reappeared again... DRIVING A FREAKIN CAR! (I told you it was a strange dream).

So now I have to try to keep the door shut against this car driving lion. The lion rams the car into the door but I barely manage to keep the car from busting into the house ( what's more insane? A lion driving a car or me managing to keep a car from busting into the house?).

At this point the lion takes off in his car and does figure 8s in the parking lot in front of the house, building up speed to ram the door.

Remembering that there was a rifle upstairs I scream for one of my housemates to bring it down to me. Unfortunately all my friends are in the living room hiding in my LAP TOP COMPUTER. Yes that's right they somehow managed to fit into my computer and they refuse to come out. Getting quite frantic as I see the lion out in the parking lot cruising around getting ready to make another run at the house I start screaming that they are cowards and that they deserve to die when 50 ninja types complete with black pajamas come flying into the parking lot driving green Buicks and save the day.

I've known people that took dream psychology and said that they could interpret dreams. I defy anyone to interpret that load of garbage. There is no way because that has to be the most nonsensical dream I've ever had.

2001-07-08T18:35:00.000-07:00

I went to the MSN website and found out that while most MSN Messenger users had service restored that a few losers like myself were out of luck. Thanks a lot MSN. You lousy bastards.

So, despite what Gen-chan says I think it obvious what the score is when it comes to Instant Message services.

ICQ: Stupid flower. Bunch of useless crap features I'll never use. Confusing install instructions that didn't work.

MSN: Within a week of downloading it the stupid thing goes down and doesn't recover.

AIM: Worked the first time. Has worked everytime.

Final score?

ICQ: 0

MSN:0

AIM:1

Note to you cretins at MSN: I find it laughable that you bitch about AOL not sharing AIM and it's users with you. How dare you think that you deserve access to AIMs users? Your MSN Messenger is pathetic compared to AIM. PATHETIC!!! I find it humorous that the mighty Microsoft Network can't even keep it's Messenger service working.

AIM might be evil but it's a damn sight better than MSN.

2001-07-07T17:52:00.000-07:00

MSN Messenger is a lousy piece of crap. Down for 3 days and counting. The point of this post?

Gen-chan get AIM! I know you hate the idea of it but MSN is obviously a useless piece of garbage right now. At least with AIM you'll be able to chat. So get it.

2001-07-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm listening to a remake of Blue Oyster Cult's Don't Fear the Reaper. Downloaded it from MP3.com. Pretty cool remake.

Saw a bumper sticker the other day. The Road to Hell is paved with Republicans is what it said.

Izzat so? In that case all I can say was that they must have paved right over all the Democrats already there.

The best political bumper sticker I have ever seen?

Politicians and diapers should be changed often....for the same reason

To be honest I've come to the point where I could give a damn for either party. They are both full of liars and cheats. I wasn't excited by the prospect of either Dubya or Albore. And Billary? Please.... that Yankees cap didn't fool anyone. Did she even show up for a game? The Yankees were enroute to thier 26th World Series and she was too busy fund raising to see any of it. Some "life long" Yankees fan. It sickens me to be from the state that elected that carpetbagger to the Senate.

I've always thought that Upstate should split itself off from NYC. I certainly believe it now. It was New York City that elected Hillary. Not to mention handing our electoral votes to Gore. Plus NYC votes for every bond act that comes along, helping make New York one of most debt laden states in the nation. New York City politics is dragging down the rest of the state. We should be free to pursue our own destiny.

The biggest upside to seceding from NYC? We'd no longer be represented by that cretin, Shumer, in the Senate.

2001-07-02T16:16:00.000-07:00

Where would I be without my online friends? It's a sad note about my life but all my closest friends are people I know on the net. I just want to say how much I appreciate my friends I know online. Having a net social life isn't nearly as good as having a real-life social life but it certainly is better than nothing. I found out that Ed Vagg who owns the magnificent Project OK actually reads this blog every once in a while.

I know I haven't been exactly sane the last week or so. Some readers might have even thought, Here's a guy that sounds like he's about to throw himself off a tall bridge. Well, no such luck. I'm still here.

2001-06-30T07:33:00.000-07:00

I have decided to do something different today. Instead of blogging more "woe is me" posts I will blog "Old Fart's Most Embarrassing Moments" as I had promised earlier but then reneged on. Ok, here goes.

Several years ago, actually probably close to 10 years ago, I and a couple of friends were at a local diner having coffee. It was something of a regular hangout for us at the time.

Several booths down was a group of females, one of them being a statuesque brunette with really big hair. She was wearing a rather tight dress and one of my friends, Eric, made the comment that she had a nice ass.

I agreed that it wasn't bad. Then my other friend, Leo, looked over and said something like, "Wouldn't be funny if she were actually a guy".

Well the whole time we were there I was thinking about that. So when the girls got up to leave I watched them as they walked right by us. I noticed that the "girl" in question had something of a five oclock shadow going on.

I'm from a fairly small town. Cross dressers just are not that common and that was the first time I ever encountered one. So I think I can be forgiven for uttering a strangled, "Oh my God".

Of course the girls stopped and replied with, "You have a problem?". I was taken by complete surprise and I can't remember what the heck I said at that point. Needless to say, Eric and Leo had a good laugh about the whole thing. They certainly didn't hesitate to tell everyone about the incident either.

2001-06-29T17:29:00.000-07:00

It's Friday and I really have the urge to go out and have a few drinks. Unfortunately I have no idea were any good bars are in the area. The only ones around here are dives or bars the are frequented by old geezers. I would prefer one that has at least a few cute chicks. Crap, I'm dying to go out and have a drink. And maybe a cigarette. Oh yeah, that would hit the spot.

I haven't been inside a bar in over a year. I know I probably shouldn't go but I'm so sick of doing nothing on weekend nights. I desperately need a change in my life. I just can't keep on going the the way I am. I'm cracking up. I'm losing it. Something has to give and right now it feels like my sanity will be the first to go. I'm working more hours than I ever have before. I feel tired all the time. I can't stop thinking about how lonely I am. I feel like I'm killing myself and getting nothing for it.

I know that all this recent negativity is probably turning people off (not that this blog has ever been upbeat) and that I risk dropping from 3 1/2 regular readers back down to 2 1/2 or even perhaps 1 1/2 but I'm not about to blog a bunch of sun shiney posts when I actually feel lower than dog shit. I can't say how long this is goijng to last. I'm sure you're all eager for me to get back to my normal "Everyone on the Earth is a piece of crap" mode instead of my current "I wish I were never born" mode.

But I can't get over how empty and meaningless my life is.

Sorry for being such a downer.

2001-06-27T14:44:00.000-07:00

The whole Julia melodrama is pretty much over. We talked yesterday and I found out that I blew any chances I had right from the time I met her.

Seems that she wants a confident take charge type of guy and since I'm not the confident take charge type of guy she has no interest in me. Also, apparently I expressed some feelings that I should have kept hidden. I let her know exactly what I thought of the city of Troy and the people who live in it. And I also verbalized my extreme displeasure with the company truck a couple of times.

Never mind that I'm kind, generous, easygoing, intelligent and witty. Not to mention that I'm decent looking. But I'm not good enough because I don't pretend to have confidence I don't have and I tend to express how I feel. I guess when it comes to women that honesty is not a virtue.

She basically wants Mr. Perfect. Fine. From now on Mr. Perfect can keep her entertained for her time here in the U.S. because I'm done with blowing $60 on jazz concert tickets. She can spend her free time twiddling her thumbs until she goes back to Minsk for all I care.

I'm not upset because she has no interest in me. I'm upset because of all my qualities the first thing she noticed was my alleged lack of confidence. Plus she's made it pretty clear that the only reason she does anything with me is that there is nobody better to hang out with.

2001-06-24T17:14:00.000-07:00

I'm not even sure what to write here. I guess I'll just write what comes to mind.

I can pretty much guarantee that Julia has no feelings for me beyond friendship. I know that any time she spends with me is pretty much a matter of convenience. She doesn't know anybody to hang out with besides my boss and he's usually busy with his wife and baby so she's sitting around bored most of the time. So being the love struck chump that I am I happily volunteer to be the entertainment.

In all fairness it's not all my fault. I'm so devoid of female companionship that I would just about jump for the chance of having just about any girl in my life. I am so tired of being utterly alone. So, of course someone like Julia would totally overwhelm me. I'm tired of being hurt, rejected and ignored. I feel so empty inside. My life is a void.

Right now I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

2001-06-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday went rather well. I picked Julia up at 12:30 and we spent the day together. And she got ICQ working for me too. Amazing, the ICQ tech support was completely useless but a non-techie girl from Belarus gets it to work with no problem. She just uninstalled it and D/Led it again. What's funny was when I downloaded it and installed it the first time there was a whole list of instructions I followed. Such as making sure that there were no open applications running. However, when Julia downloaded and installed it she didn't bother with any of it.

We also went to a jazz concert last night at "The Egg" in the Empire Plaza in Albany. The Egg is this wierd looking performing arts center where plays and concerts and such are held. She likes jazz although it's not her particular favorite. I, of course, am going to try to like whatever she likes. Ah, what a shmuck I am.

We also "interperated" the specimens of abstract art found in the Empire Plaza. According to her the idea of abstract art is to try to think of what the "artist" was thinking when he or she created the art piece in question. I never have done anything like this before. I guess hanging out with Julia will help me become more cultured. Anyways, we had a great time. Or at least I did.

I don't think I need to say that I'm crazy about her.

2001-06-22T16:41:00.000-07:00

Whenever I say that I'm going blog about a particular subject in the future you can pretty much be assured that I just lied. Today's blog will not be "Old Fart Gets Stupid Part 2". I am stupid but the that's not going to be the main topic of this entry.

Tomorrow Julia and I are going to do stuff together. It's not a date. I made it sound undate like as much as possible. I thought she'd say no when I asked her if she wanted to do anything tomorrow but I was wrong. I know it doesn't mean anything. Especially as Julia seems hard to read. One minute she seems annoyed with me and the next it she is giving me what I call the "appraising look". However, it could all just be my imagination.

Ugh, I have the feeling that this is going to be a long and painful summer.

This has been another pointless blog entry by your Old Fart.

2001-06-21T18:36:00.000-07:00

Want to know why I wasted my time trying to get ICQ to work? Because Julia mentioned that she had it. Yup, she's been here three whole days and I'm already smitten.

What a chump I am. A complete chowderhead, knucklehead and blockhead. A screwball, nincompoop and a grade A moron.

Probably someone should shoot me because I'm sucking up perfectly good oxygen that would be put to better use being breathed by someone else. Just when am I going to get a clue?

As much as I'd love to continue this line of thought I can't because I keep drifting off.

So tune in tomorrow to "Old Fart Gets Stupid" part two.

2001-06-21T17:27:00.000-07:00

ICQ IS A CHEAP PIECE OF CRAP!!!

Yeah, that's right, it's a piece of shit! I spent the last two hours trying to get it to work. Lousy &#^@*! piece of shit!!! Won't freakin connect no matter what I do. And some bozo had the balls to say that "it's better than AIM" MY ASS IT'S BETTER!!!!! At least AIM actually works. Everytime I use AIM guess what? That's right, IT WORKS!!! Let's see AIM works all the time and ICQ won't work at all. Hmmm.. the way I see it: AIM 1- ICQ a big fat 0.

2001-06-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

Julia arrived from Russia last night and started working with us today. Actually she isn't from Russia but from Belarus. My boss seems, no not even seems but most definitely IS eager for us to hook up. I know why too. He feels that a relationship would pretty much keep me in Troy and that I would stay at the company indefinitely. Unfortunately for him there will be no romance blossoming here.

Not because I'm not interested but because Julia has no interest. I can't say that with 100% certainty but I'm 99% sure. She is here for one reason only. To make money this summer working with us. She has no interest in living in the U.S. and she doesn't have any interest in having an American boyfriend that I could see. For all I know she could have a boyfriend back home.

Based on this one would assume that I will be smart enough not to get interested. Unfortunately, whatever part of me that determines what girls I fall for will not pay this logic a bit of attention and will make it's own decision on the matter. And that particular part of me has a very poor track record in this department.

About Julia, she's bright, friendly and has a very charming accent though she speaks english quite fluently. As far as how attractive she is, she isn't a super model by any means. I think realistically that she's about average but there's something about her that is very appealing.

I really hope that I can defy my usual custom of being a moron in this type of situation and instead keep me from making a fool of myself. It sure would be a pleasant change.

I had it coming though. The other day I was so proud of myself for being strong emotionally and not needing a woman in my life. Now this happens. Whenever I feel the least bit good about myself something will come along to put me back in my place. Guaranteed. That's why I disgust myself. I really don't want to get all worked up about Julia but I don't seem to be the one making the decisions on any feelings I might have about the matter.

Guess that's life.

2001-06-17T19:27:00.000-07:00

Just did some updating of the links. Yay! What excitement. Anyways, you'll notice a link to Fanfiction.net. Let me warn you, some of the fanfiction found there are what are called "lemons". Which simply means there is rather graphic descriptions of sexual situations in several of the fics. Nothing I wrote though. I don't write lemons.

Yes, it's shameless self promotion I know. So sue me.

Actually short stuff is going to work on putting up my own fanfic page filled with my works of genius. Isn't she something else? And she fixed the archives. She is so cool.

2001-06-17T16:49:00.000-07:00

This is short stuff bloggin' in his blog, to make sure his archives work. Yep, they do. Bow before me. I am God. XD Just kidding. OK, I'm outta here.

2001-06-16T19:54:00.000-07:00

I want to apologize to my loyal 3 1/2 readers. I have been very lazy in my blogging habits. I plead interference by Real Life (tm). I have been extremely busy this weekend. I made two trips to Mal Wart, did some grocery shopping and (gasp) went to the laundromat. Besides which I did some major rearranging of the apartment.

Was it worth all the effort. I think so. Now I'm sitting in my lazy boy in a room that has basically been turned into a wind tunnel by 5 fans.Yes, I know. I should get an air conditioner. But if I do that I might as well sign over all my paychecks to Niagara Mohawk.

I don't think I'm getting more miserable but Yummy Pi seems to think so. Who knows? Maybe she's right. Yummy Pi is a British Vietnamese girl. Interesting combination. But then so is Kahlua and vanilla ice cream. It's also quite the yummy combination. But is it as yummy as Yummy Pi? Who knows? I sure don't.

Mmmmm.... Kahlua and vanilla ice cream. It's been a long time since I had any. I'm going to have to get some of that next week. The last time I drank Kahlua I ended up modeling a black teddy and singing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President".

Some of you may be skeptical that a person can get drunk from Kahlua. Well, you can. Provided that you're a lightweight like myself. Of course whenever I did get drunk I didn't hesitate to make an ass out of myself. Which is why I don't get drunk anymore.

2001-06-14T17:39:00.000-07:00

Well none of the promised developements happened. And they ain't gonna tonight. I've been busy fighting the stupid internet. Nothing is working . Too many people accessing the web apparently. Yes, you got it. The internet is a piece of shit. How pathetic is it that the internet can't handle heavy usage?

In other news I'm sweating my ass off as N.Y. is experiencing a minor heatwave. Life is so loverly.

I also uploaded a small Project A-ko fanfic to fanfiction.net. A link to that will be forthcoming. The beauty of putting fanfics there is that people can give reviews of your story. Yes, that's right. Writers have the opportunity to get savaged by anonymous strangers.

Perhaps tonight I'll even actually watch some anime. The other night I claimed I was off to watch anime and then I turned around and spent the rest of the evening looking for pics of naked women on the net. I'm such a shmuck. A hot sweaty shmuck. A hot sweaty sticky shmuck.

Damn, I'm thirsty.

2001-06-12T18:50:00.000-07:00

As pointed out to me the crispy crunchy link isn't working. Also the Pyrotechnics blogger now has another blog with a different addy. Plus there are more links for me to pop in. It'll have to be done tomorrow, maybe. I'm too lazy to do it right now.

I also had a wierd ass dream that I'm too lazy to blog about. That'll have to be tomorrow too. And as a special bonus I'll even toss in Old Fart's Most Embarrassing Moments. It'll be a real hoot.

Ok, I'm off to watch some anime.

2001-06-11T15:51:00.000-07:00

Here's a few thoughts. When someone writes in their blog about how "hella cool" they are then you know they're not. If the name of their blog is "(Insert name here)'s Boring Blog" and their entire blog is about what guys they know are or aren't cute, then yes it certainly is their boring blog. Or if the blog is named "The Wit and Wisdom of (insert name here)" and the blogger recounts all his drunken carousings or how often he gets high and about how he is an anarchist and general purpose rebel then I doubt there is much wit or wisdom to be found in the blog in question.

2001-06-09T14:26:00.000-07:00

Just read Kindly Rat's blog today. I have all too much experience with Juno. Without a doubt Juno sucks ass. I had exactly the same thing happen to me. Last December I went on-line with my first ISP, Juno. During Christmas vacation they made some changes to the service which basically made it a disservice to anyone using it. Suddenly I was without internet access. I also got their stupid message of "Call back after 4 am"

Yeah, like any sane person is going to stay up past 4 am to try to get online. Just for the heck of it I did stay up till 4 am, not surprisingly I was not allowed to get on. I hate the bastards at Juno with a passion.

My dealings with Net Zero is as follows. After getting pissed at Juno I decided to try Net Zero. To get their cd I had to send them $6. So I sent the money and never saw the cd. So yes, I agree, Kindly Rat, Juno and Net Zero really do suck. I can only imagine how much more they'll suck once they are mushed together into one big nasty mess.

Anyways, after all that I paid a local company for internet access. I could have paid Juno less for their premium service but I will never give Juno one red cent.

I still use Juno for e-mail. I'm hoping that this merger doesn't effect my e-mail account. Knowing Juno it probably will. Those friggin fecal brained ass wipes.

2001-06-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally managed to download stuff from MP3.com. I had left a message with thier customer service and of course I recieved a canned email from them. In the email was several links. I click on one of the links and it took me to a sign in page. After that I was able to download, no problem. See before I was signing in with the info they wanted but for whatever reason I was just being sent back to that page endlessly. Apparently I was signing in on the wrong page. How the heck was I supposed to know? There wasn't anything on the site that said, "Go to such and such a page and sign in."

On a related subject, someone went to MP3.com's guest book and left a message for me. Apparently she thought she was signing my guestbook because she clicked on the link on this blog. Too funny, in that little rant I had I thought I clearly stated that the link was to MP3.com's guestbook. In the message she left she told me that the reason I'm so mean and miserable was from living in New York and being frozen during 5 months of winter. I guess I should move south to improve my happiness.

2001-06-08T14:34:00.000-07:00

Here's something you might find amusing. The lady who owns the house we were at all week was upset that the other day we left some gloves on the floor. Forget the piles of dirty clothes strewn throughout the house or her panties that are lying around. Damnit we left some gloves on the floor! How dare we?! People never cease to amaze me. It's no wonder people call this town Troylet. Which is just a short drive from Skankectady. Not to mention the Arbor Hole section of Albany.

Speaking of Arbor Hole, there has been 3 murders in the last couple of weeks there. First a woman was stabbed to death by a 15 year old girl over an arguement caused by one of them blocking the hallway in the house the woman lived in. Charming. Then 2 teenagers were shot to death in 2 separate incidents that the police suspect are related. The Albany newspaper (Times Useless) had a photo of the makeshift memorial for one of the victims. It was in a trash filled back alley. I wonder if the Times Useless is aware of the irony of their photo. Probably not, the people responsible for publishing that paper are pretty stupid.

I remember a quote by a man who's name I have long since forgotten. "I love my country, it's the people I hate." When I first heard it I thought it was the most awful thing anyone had ever said. Now I understand exactly where he was coming from. Every day that passes I understand it even more.

And that, boys and girls is life in the Capital District of New York. Clueless. Hopeless. Wretched.

2001-06-07T16:46:00.000-07:00

Last night I added yet a couple more links. One is phansy's webpage. It's little page with some info about her. It even has a couple of pics of her. One of them even shows her with Australia's biggest goofball, Edward Vagg. Who happens to run the magnificent Project OK which is argueably the best Project A-ko fansite on the Internet. Certainly the only one that I know of with a chatroom.

The other is DJX's Project A-ko RPG Site. Which is a role playing game based on... you got it, the Project A-ko anime series. DJX put the entire RPG on his website. As I understand it the game has been out of print for several years now and are more difficult to come by than hen's teeth. A very cool site, DJX is a rather talented website designer. In my opinion anyhow.

I would also like to encourage who ever reads this to go sign phansy's and Kindly Rat's guest book thingies. They're looking kinda empty. The entries there are lonely. So if you're one of my 3 1/3 regular readers be a good sport. I'll think good things about you if you do. And.... I'll give you all the change in my pocket.

2001-06-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

Work this week has been "interesting". The house I've been at had a fire in the kitchen so it's technically a "smoke job" To be quite honest this house has far bigger problems than a burnt out kitchen and smoke damage. The biggest problem this house has is the people who live in it. In short they are disgusting slobs. Actually they are far beyond slobbish. Heck, I'm a slob. It's not just some dirty laundry on the floor or a large stack of dirty dishes in the sink. It's more like dirty laundry mixed with dirty dishes taking up every flat surface in the house. Add to that all the trash that didn't make it to the garbage can. Which is quite a lot, I don't think these people understand the concept of "taking out the trash".

I think the real clincher is the fact that they keep their smelly dog cage in the freaking dining room. They probably kept the kitty litter box in the kitchen until it burnt up. Yeah, nothing like going to the fridge and getting a good wiff of cat poop. Or sitting down to dinner with aroma of your smelly ass dog cage. How very appetizing. Mmmm Mmmmm.... now I'm hungry.

Heck, the smell of smoke in that house is an improvement over what it smelled like before. What they should do is light that house up again. I figure once it's burnt to the ground it'll be just about smelling perfect.

2001-06-05T13:02:00.000-07:00

Well ain't that special? I get on and I see that the last two weeks of the blog have disappeared. I don't think that a week has gone by in the last month that Blogger wasn't horribly screwing up in one way or another. Makes me happy that I set up a blog on Pitas. Help Blogger win a webby indeed. I'm sorry but the only award Blogger deserves in a statue of a poop encrusted toilet. We'll call it a Shitty.

2001-06-02T19:22:00.000-07:00

Just want to say that MP3.com SUCKS MAJOR BIG JIGGLY SHIT ENCRUSTED ASS!!! I tried downloading Beethoven's Fifth Somethingorother but they wouldn't let me. I had to fill out info but no matter how many times I filled out their lousy info it would just send me back to do it all over again.

I'm so sick of shitty service on the web. So I'm declaring war on MP3.com. As of now I vow to conduct a campaign of terror on their guest books. If any readers are interested in joining me I welcome your help. Together we can bring those lousy rat bastards to their knees. Here's the guestbook in question . Go here to view the guestbook entries . It says to "share" my thoughts. Well I shared them all right.

2001-06-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life is good. I heard the people downstairs are moving soon..... YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!! I can't wait! In other news I got a basically new lazy boy for free. One of the jobs we did last week was a heavy smoke job. Much of the furniture was tossed and one of the things going to the dump was a brand new lazy boy. The guy who does upholstery cleaning on a lot of the jobs we get charged me $20 to clean it and now I have a new lazy boy.

You'll notice that I added several links on the sidebar. One of them is the Kindly Rat who says that I'm pretty famous around the blogs and that it was an honor to have me sign his guest book. Wow, now I think my head is starting to swell up.

2001-06-02T06:37:00.000-07:00

So the Old Fart is hoping to score with a Russian girl, eh? Oh, please. "Tongue in cheek" my ass. You know you're hoping, Old Fart. You're so pathetic that the only way you can score is with some foreign chick that wants American citizenship. Good luck with that.

That's what I love about the OId Fart. No matter how badly things are going I can always look at him and say, "At least I ain't as big a loser as him".

2001-06-01T14:30:00.000-07:00

How do I hate Windows? Let me count the ways....

I was using wordpad and I wanted to print preview the document I was in. Normally it's very easy to do. I just click on the icon of the magnifying glass and it shows me what the document will look like printed. I can view every page and see how many pages it will be. But not now. Now I get a dialogue box. No matter what I try I can't get the print preview. I tried the worthless Windows Help and got nowhere. I don't understand it. This has never happened to me before.

In case I haven't been clear about this in the past I just want to say that along with BLOGGER, Windows is also a complete piece of SHIT!!!! If I ever see Bill Gates on the street I will not hesitate to run him over. And I'll make sure I'm going fast enough to kill him. Most people probably think of the chuckleheads who designed Windows as geniuses. Most people would be thinking wrong. WIndows is actually the product of overpaid morons. Yes, morons who can program but morons none the less.

No genius would ever create an operating system that is guaranteed to piss of everyone that ever uses it. If you use Windows then you've been pissed off while using it. Probably dozens of times. Windows is a piece of shit and everyone knows it. I hope that the government breaks up Microsoft into itty bitty pieces.

2001-05-31T14:30:00.000-07:00

Spoke too soon. When I tried to access the archives I was told that my site isn't on Blog*Spot. Just in case I have been unclear on the matter I want you to know that BLOGGER is a complete piece of shit. Actually I don't think that BLOGGER is even good enough to be called a piece of shit.

2001-05-31T14:19:00.000-07:00

And now the archives are back. How amusing. BLOGGER truly is the Net's Comedy of Errors.

2001-05-31T14:12:00.000-07:00

I noticed that most of my archives seem to have vanished into thin air. Par of the course for BLOGGER. Now I know that BLOGGER is a free service and I should be grateful and yada yada yada... So what? There are lots of free services on the net and most them actually work a majority of the time. The Hotmail e-mail account is free. The i-mood is free. The counter is free. Guess what? UNLIKE BLOGGER THEY ALL WORK MOST OF THE TIME!!!

Just want to say that my entry yesterday about the Russian girl was mostly tongue in cheek. Yes, there is a Russian girl coming over here. However, she's 20 years old and I seriously doubt she'd be interested in an old fart such as myself.

2001-05-30T17:31:00.000-07:00

Last 10 queries :
chicks with dicks
fart
new yorker
womens pooped underwear
fart
talking like New Yorker
fart
"fart"
old fart crossing sign
oldfart

Hmmm.... these queries just seem to get weirder. "Chicks with dicks"? I don't recall ever mentioning that in this blog. I guess I have now. "Womens pooped underwear" ????????? People are scary aren't they?

2001-05-30T17:10:00.000-07:00

What the heck? It took forever for the edit page to load. It's like being at Sparkmatch.

Sorry for falling down on the whole blogging thing. I've been lazy. Not entirely my fault. Some of the blame belongs to a non-functioning BLOGGER. But quite a bit of the blame is on me and my terrible laziness.

Yesterday I found out that my boss and his wife will be playing host to a girl from Russia. They met here when they were in Russia a few years ago and now she's spending this summer in the U.S. This could be my best chance at romance. If she wants to live in the U.S. on a permenant basis then her best chance is to marry a U.S. citizen. It's an incredible coincidence but I AM a U.S. citizen. Surely it is my destiny to marry this girl. Once she gets her citizenship papers she can divorce me at her leisure.

Spent Memorial Day watching the entire Project A-ko series. Six hours of anime watching bliss interrupted only by trips to the fridge and bathroom. What a great day!

2001-05-26T11:44:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess Blogspot is back up. Big flipping whoop. Now I can waste more time blogging. Oh joy! I'm sure my 2 1/2 regular readers are overwhelmed with joy. Or maybe just whelmed with joy. Of course seeing as how BLOGGER has been down more than it's been up the last couple of weeks I'm probably done to 1 1/2 regular readers. Oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Or something equally stupid. Anyways, feel free to insert your pointless overused cliche here --->

Got a pleasant surprise today.I won't have to clean the Stale House this weekend. It's closed for Memorial Day. YAY!!! I can sleep in for a couple of days. Sometimes life is good to me.

2001-05-22T15:51:00.000-07:00

Well, looks like Blogspot is down. If it ain't one thing it's another with this lousy blog. Ain't gonna waste much time on an entry right now. I wonder how many days it will take to clear this little problem up.

2001-05-19T20:30:00.000-07:00

In "Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul" Dirk Gently had a refridgerator he needed to get rid of because it had started "lurking" in his kitchen.

My refridgerator has been "lurking" in the kitchen for some weeks now. Like Dirk I had developed a fear of opening the fridge. Opening the fridge meant being assaulted by the "stink of death". Not surprisingly trips to said fridge took a drastic nosedive.

Unlike Dirk I didn't have the option of throwing away my current fridge for a new (and more importantly clean) fridge. But I had to do something. Unable to obtain food from the fridge I was quickly wasting away. A full blown crisis was upon me.

A real man faces these problems head on. So I bit the bullet.

And cleaned the refridgerator.

YAY!

And I survived to tell the tale.

Even better!

Now I can tackle the next big crisis. The big pile of dishes in the sink.

Well, there's always next month.

2001-05-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I recieved two more Ebay wins. I'm getting to be quite the collector of Project A-ko stuff. Basically a whole bunch of manga/comics. The way I understand it is that manga is produced in Japan and comics are made in the U.S. The Project A-ko manga/comics are based on a Japanese anime series which would make them manga but are made in the U.S. (by two different publishers, Malibu Comics and CPM Comics) which would make them comics. Oh well.

The big thing was getting the Super Settei Project A-ko by Antartic Press. Some very cool artwork in it.

In other news short stuff recieved the Cel Art Work Book on Thursday. She's also going on a camping expedition for a week or so. Ugh.. camping. Spending a week living amongst bugs and dirt. No electricity. If you're lucky there's a nearby stream for running water. Toilets? Well you can always dig a hole in the ground.

The only camping out I wanna do is in some hot chick's bedroom. So you can see that the chances of me camping out anytime soon are pretty slim.

2001-05-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

Today was a great day. The dog finally left for Vermont and now I have the place completely to myself. No more dumb dog getting underfoot. No more giant tumbleweed hairballs. No more general doggy dumbness. Now if only the people downstairs would leave. Then I'd be completely happy.

2001-05-16T17:01:00.000-07:00

Ok it's working.Yay.

Today's subject is Sparkmatch. Thanks to the monofish guy I found out about Sparkmatch which is a site where you can hit on chicks. Sort of.

Anyways, being the lonely loser type that I am I've been there more than I care to admit. A word of warning. If you go to this site be prepared to have a nice LOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGGG wait while each page loads. It is with out a doubt the slowest loading site I've ever been to and I surf a lot.

That I frequent a site like Sparkmatch just goes to show what a loser I truly am. As if I'm actually going to meet someone on a freakin website. Please. It's just me grabbing at straws. Keeping that awful bitch Hope alive. I well and truly suck.

What's crazy is that I am this desperate in the first place. Of course I'm biased but in my honest opinion if the universe was sane I would have no problem finding a woman.

First off I'm not bad looking. In fact I'm a rather decent looking guy. You may doubt but oh well, what can I do about it? Second, I'm a pretty nice guy. Which goes a long way in explaining why I don't have a girlfriend. Third, I have a pretty good sense of humor. I understand that humor is subjective and that everyone finds different things to funny. I have a lot of things about me that in a sane world women would find attractive but I already mentioned the insanity of life so why bother rehashing it.

All I have to say is this- To the women of the world who rejected me: I hope someday somebody grabs you by the hair and gives you a 24 hour swirly. After that I hope you get smeared with pork chops and tossed into a pit full of rabid Dobermans.

2001-05-16T16:23:00.000-07:00

Just a test to see if it's working. What's it say about BLOGGER that users feel the need to do test runs when posting?

2001-05-14T13:33:00.000-07:00

Well, it looks like BLOGGER is working again. I have no idea how long that will last so I'm going to take this opportunity to say the following.

Since BLOGGER has been rather unstable since I've started this blog I'm going to look at various other weblog services with the aim of finding one that is more reliable and not a pain in the ass to use. When BLOGGER works it's very easy to use but having a blog that doesn't work for four days is frustrating to say the least.

I don't know that I'll take this blog down if I do start another blog. I may just use them both. That way I will pretty sure that I'll at least have one functioning blog at any given time. In any case I'll let my 2 1/2 regular readers know of any upcoming changes to this charming little blog.

2001-05-13T10:04:00.000-07:00

I know this ain't gonna work but just in case it does I have a request of anyone whe reads this little plea for help. If you know of another weblog/online journal service that isn't down half the time like BLOGGER is let me know. I really would love to tell BLOGGER goodbye and pack up my marbles and leave for greener pastures. I've had enough crap from BLOGGER. I'd like a blog that ACTUALLY WORKS!!!!

2001-05-12T13:36:00.000-07:00

I have no idea if this will post or not but I'll give it a try.

Last week several members from church decided to have a study class at 7:30 am on Saturdays. Insane wouldn't you say? Seeing as how I have to clean the Ale House in the mornings now that the brother has moved to Vermont that would have required that I get up at 5:30am to get to the study class on time. Well, I was late by about 20 minutes this morning and guess what? No one was there. What a surprise. Glad I didn't get up any earlier than I normally do. I knew it was going to happen though. Kinda pisses me off, they made these plans that everyone knew wasn't going to happen. Not that I'm all that upset about not having some study class as much as I am about going out of my way to go to church this morning for no good reason.

I have been trying to post this for hours now. BLOGGER is still screwed up. My counter doesn't seem to be working either, probably because of BLOGGER'S problems. If you read this and know of another online journal service like BLOGGER that isn't malfunctioning every other minute please let me know.

2001-05-11T19:38:00.000-07:00

Well, if it ain't Self Indulgent back from his month long vacation. The gets back home and what's the first thing he does? IMs me with his sad story about how he can't post to the blog. Well, he apparently figured out the problem. We'll see if I can figure it out.

2001-05-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well. Lookee here. The Old Fart has himself a new blog layout. Since there is no way he has the brains to figure out how to do anything more difficult than sharpening pencils one of his online techie/nerd buddies must have done it for him.

Congrats, Old Fart. Now your blog looks like it belongs to a girlie type. The new layout definitely goes along with your little imood and your precious little dreambook. You're a teenybopper at heart old man. Who knew?

Ok, trying this again. It figures, the night I get back and try to post on the blog is the night that BLOGGER is all screwy. Just in case I haven't told you yet, BLOGGER SUCKS ASS!!! It's seems like every other time I'm trying to put something on the blog that BLOGGER has problems. Are you people doing this just to piss me off or what?

2001-05-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

Probably surprised to see I'm posting again tonight huh? So am I. But I was checking the counter's referrer log and made a couple of interesting discoveries. First, this blog is linked on another blog of someone I don't other than the fact that I had signed her guestbook. She went and linked this blog for reasons unknown. I'm not complaining mind you. This girl is Vietnamese, lives in England and is rather cute. And she's nineteen. Bummer. Reminds me of my favorite Steely Dan song. "Hey nineteen, we can't dance together, no we can't talk at all..." You get the idea. Anyways this is her website.

Also it seems that phansy also has her own web site. I guess she really is a redhead. I know you're gonna read this sooner or later phansy. You better do something about thar pic of you and Ed. Half his face is cut off by that title bar. Actually don't do anything. I'll tell that he looks better that way.

2001-05-08T19:07:00.000-07:00

Why am I such a shmuck? I know you don't know why. It's a rhetorical question. I haven't even tried to write anything in at least a month now despite several promises that I would buckle down and write. I know what the problem is. I've gone back to having an irrational fear of writing. I was doing so well for a few months but know it back to the same old same old. I really am useless now. I have no real talents to speak of if I can't even write. Not that I'm a great writer but I think I do okay. Not doing ok now obviously.

Here I am again, not finishing something I've started. That's one of things I hate most about myself. I'm going to do it again right now and not finish this post.

2001-05-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

Last 10 queries :
fart
OLD FART
old farts
fart
old farts
lesbians in shower
farts
oldfarts
fart
oldfart

That "lesbians in shower" really stands out doesn't it? The other 9 queries is pretty typical of what I find when I check in at counter.com. I never knew so many people were interested in either farts or old farts. I guess the even old farts can be exciting.

2001-05-07T18:54:00.000-07:00

Another great day in Old Fart Land. Today the sketchbook and the Project A-ko 2 VHS tape arrived in the mail. Pretty cool.

Beyond my petty Ebay wins life is looking somewhat up. I'll have the place all to myself soon as my brother found an apartment in Vermont already so as soon as he comes back from Iowa his dog will leaving. The only thing that make me happier than that is if the people downstairs would move. I wouldn't just be happy, I'd be ecstatic.

Other than that, not much to report. I guess I could whine about the lack of female "companionship" but why bother. Instead I think I'll go look for pics of naked women on the net.

Have a wonderful night. I know I will.

2001-05-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

It's been a long day and I'm bushed. I was gonna do a long entry full of my usual genius but I'm too tired. Maybe tomorrow.

2001-05-06T05:47:00.000-07:00

I'm still jazzed by the whole new layout thing. It's a good thing that short stuff is a friend or else I would have been stuck with the boring grey and white forever. What I know about html and webdesign could be written on a head of a pin with room left over.

Yup, now the blog looks more like a true otaku blog. Good thing to. The blogs I've checked out on the otaku blog ring all are quite spiffy looking. It must have been disconcerting for someone surfing that ring going from attractive blog to attractive blog then BAM!!! they hit my blog and get ambushed by the horrid grey, grey and more grey(and some white too). No longer. Now my blog looks spifferific!

2001-05-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

WOO HOO!! Check out the new look! I would like to tell you that this is the result of my own genius but I'd be lying. short stuff did the whole thing. THANKS!!!

I'm so jazzed by it all. No more boring blah grey.

If you are new reader (which most of you are I'm sure seeing as how I probably have a grand total of 2 1/2 regular readers) then the anime chick in picture is the title character of my favorite anime series, Project A-ko.

short stuff, you've really outdone yourself! That is such a cool picture.

She's quite the little blog designer. She changes the look of her blog quite often. She has a cool looking design but it ain't as cool as this one.

This is so awesome I'm gonna go back and just stare at it for a while.

2001-05-04T17:30:00.000-07:00

Big news days in Old Fart Land. The brother moved. Packed up all his stuff and went off to Vermont. Well, not ALL his stuff. He still has a few things to get next week. It's going to feel strange not having him around now. Nice to have the apartment all to myself.

Not ALL to myself as of yet though. He left his big frikkin hairy dog behind. Actually the dog itself isn't big. It just has big hair. I have the feeling if someone was to shave that dog bald it would end up being the size of a miniature poodle. The thing leaves hairballs the size of tumblewweds behind. Nasty freakin dog. Stupid too. I will be so glad when that thing is gone.

Tomorrow is the first day of my new partime jobs. Sorta. My brother had a couple of cleaning accounts he did for money on the side and now I've inherited them. So now I have to get up at 6:30 every morning. Hope I'm up to it.

I have to get food in me before I starve so I'm gonna cut it off here. Have a good night everyone.

Just one last thing. I just read email from a very nice lady who reads this blog. Every once in a while something like that happens that really makes my day. Like the monofish.blog guy signing the guestbook. Of course after reading my little tirade against feminists she probably changed her mind.

2001-05-02T17:22:00.000-07:00

I want to apologize for the last two entries. They were both made late at night and I wasn't even lucid when making them.

Alright then. The other day I had what I thought was a good commentary about the whole feminist movement. In my opinion feminists are by and large intellectually disingenuous along with being morally bankrupt. Case in point. When a male in the U.S. reaches the age of eighteen he is legally obligated to register with Selective Service. The reason for that is should the ever be a war he can be called up for the draft. When a female reaches eighteen she of course does not have to do any such thing.

Funny. When the militant feminists were campaigning for ERA I don't remember any of them demanding that women should be treated the same as men in regards to an involuntary draft into the armed service during wartime.

Nor do I remember them demanding that women get the same treatment as men when it comes to fighting for custody of children in divorce cases.

That's because they are not truly interested in equal rights. No, what THEY want is special rights for women.

So remember that the next time you see those man haters from N.O.W. having some protest in Washington.

2001-05-01T19:24:00.000-07:00

Just won the Settei Super Special: Project A-ko Issue by Antartic Press on Ebay. I know, who wants to read about my Ebay conquests? Well tough. Live with it cause I like getting stuff from Ebay.

On another note, my fanfic writing has been dead as of late. I'm making a promise to do some actual writing. Really. Honest!

short stuff has promised to turn my blog into a Project A-ko fun land one of these days. What fun that will be.

2001-04-30T20:27:00.000-07:00

Well, good news(like anyone cares). The Project A-ko Sketch Artbook is now mine. Plus I won the Rurouni Kenshin Cel Works Artbook for short stuff.

Managed to solve my Internet Explorer problem too. Yay, what a Great Day for Freedom.

I was going to make this big long post but now I'm tired and so I think I'll pop off now... after a word from our sponsers.

Pork chops.....they do a body good

2001-04-28T17:40:00.000-07:00

Why is it that lately every Saturday night I have been feeling down? What a way to spend one's life. Saturdays are supposed to be the high point of the week.

The Project A-ko production cel slipped out of my grasp. Bummer. Well, I still have hopes for the artbook.

Now for a bit of technical frustration. I have been trying to delete the addresses that have cropped up in the Internet Explorer address bar dropdown box. Nothing I have tried works. I've been screwing around with it for a couple of hours now with no luck. If any body reads this and knows how to solve this please let me know. I'm so utterly frikkin pissed over what should be a simple matter. But then this just goes to show (in my opinion that is) that Microsoft really does suck the big one. So to Bill Gates I give the one finger salute.
I hope the government does break up Microsoft. That'll fix their sorry asses.

phansy told me she was going to start up an Olf Fart fan club. Obviously she was joking but it got me to thinking and I realized something. Hey! I oughta have my own fan club. I'm smart, funny, witty AND good looking. What more can a person want?

Oh yeah, that's right. Money and a hot girlfriend.

If I could marry Leona Helmsley then the money part would be solved. Hopefully she wouldn't hang on too long and then I could land some hot babe with all that dirty loot after she kicked the bucket. Maybe even a bunch of hot babes. Then I would clone myself and transplant my brain into the younger clone body and have some big muscles grafted on. I would be so huge that I wouldn't even be able to scratch my butt.

Yeah.... that would be the good life alright.

2001-04-27T06:14:00.000-07:00

I just want to weigh in on the whole China thing. I know it's a bit late to talking about it now but I've read several blogs about the subject and I just want to add my two cents.

First off let me say this: my fellow Americans make me want to puke. Seems we're all scared of the Chinese now. No wonder why this country is going to Hell in a handbasket. It's full of people who have no bigger desire than to clean out Chinese assholes with thier tongues. Is this what we have become, a nation of bootlickers?

So the Chinese have nukes. Big whoop, if the U.S. got rid of 75% of it's nuclear arsenal we would still have more than them.

So they have a really big army. We are still years and years ahead of them when it come to weapons technology. Heck, the moment they tried shipping that army overseas it would find itself at the bottom of the ocean in a heartbeat.

Moreover, we could sink them economically in a second. A large part of the expansion of Chinese economy is due to their imports to the U.S. Cut off the trade with them and then see what tune they're singing.

The problem is that we've been kissing Chinese ass for far too long. Whatever happened to the outrage over those murderous old geezers running over thier own citizens with tanks?

There was a time when the Americans were strong and didn't take shit from anyone. Those times are long gone. Now we prefer to suck up to murderous outlaw regimes. As long as they are big and scary looking that is.

2001-04-26T12:48:00.000-07:00

I have officially won one of the Ebay auctions. Yay. However it's the least important auction. Boo. A VHS tape of Project A-ko 2. I won with a bid of a mere $1.88. Pretty economical for an anime tape. Still it's not that important. It's a tape that is easily acquired although not easily acquired at that price. I'm crossing my fingers on the other stuff.

While I'm on the topic I should mention that the Project A-ko movie pamphlet I won on Ebay finally came in the mail last week. Yay. Ebay is the anime lover's friend for sure. The amusing part was I managed to get the movie pamphlet for $7.00 and it was in mint condition. A later auction for the same item ended up at $31.00 and it was in slightly worse condition than the one I got. Every once in a while good things happen to me.

Still bummed out about being outbid in my attempt to get Ranma 1/2 anime.

2001-04-26T05:21:00.000-07:00

Ah, the wonderful world of Ebay. With any luck I'll the the proud owner of more Project A-ko artwork. Not mention a production cell from the Project A-ko Vs. Battles. As C-ko would say, Ya-Ho!

That good cheer is countered a bit by the fact that I always seem to get outbid any time I try to snag Ranma 1/2 stuff. Bummer. The bidding for Ranma boxsets is pretty fierce. Oh well, I can always pay the full price at the various mailorder houses I suppose.

2001-04-25T20:24:00.000-07:00

As you might have noticed I've put a bunch of blog web rings on the blog. Yes, I'm a harlot for hits. I want to bring my wonderful sense of humor and genius to the whole world. Yes, everyone must know of the greatness of Old Fart. I would start my own ring called Bloggerous Hit Harlotry but I don't know how. Yup, I'm incompetent, what can I say.

I have a new phrase I like to use. Call it the "phrase of the day". Or whatever. The phrase is "suckit". It is the perfect answer for any situation. I'll give you some examples.

"Old Fart, the women of the planet have voted you 'No 1 Loser and Most Repulsive Man on Earth'."

My response: "They can suckit."

"Old Fart, the Yankees have lost yet again in the so far dissapponting 2001 baseball season."

My response: "Braves and Redsox fans can suckit."

"Oldfart, our new Chinese overlords are making us all learn Chinese and pray to Chairman Mao."

My response: "Those oldfarts in Beijing can suckit."

And finally, for your amusement a bit of AIM conversation-

Nataku no Miko: you went to the store?
Nataku no Miko: that quickly?
maximumnautius: yup, it's right across the street
Nataku no Miko: whoa
Nataku no Miko: lucky
maximumnautius: yes, my life is full of happiness and joy because of the store across the street
maximumnautius: they sell condoms
Nataku no Miko: -.-#
maximumnautius: opps! that's right, I never have a need for condoms
maximumnautius: crap
maximumnautius: I suck
Nataku no Miko: LoL
Nataku no Miko: aw, don't feel bad :-(
maximumnautius: yes, there are plenty of people who are celibate and still are happy
maximumnautius: like the Pope
maximumnautius: and Stephen Hawking

How very amusing huh? Just so you know, I'm maximumnautius and shortstuff is Nataku no Miko.

2001-04-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

The more I read other blogs the more depressing it is. Not that the blogs tell me what I don't already know. I'm so out of touch with our wonderful up-to-the-minute culture. No wonder I can't get a girlfriend. The problem is that in order to relate with people in this country I need to be a bit more messed up in the head. I need to start doing crack or acid or perhaps ecstacy(?). It's what all the cool people do after all. And if I could find a chick and then proceed to beat the piss outta her on a regular basis that would boost my coolness factor even more. What would really put me over the top would to become a sorry assed alcoholic and spend every night getting blitzed and puking on my shoes. Then brag about how great it all is on this blog. THEN I'd be cool.

The problem isn't that this country is full of freaks. The problem is that I'm actually pretty normal. I gotta put an end to that.

2001-04-24T17:31:00.000-07:00

Ever feel good for no discernible reason? Like things will turn out good even though there is no real evidence that this will be so? This happens to me to all too often. Sometimes I believe that I will someday achieve everything I want in life.

This phenomena is called Hope. Contrary to popular opinion, Hope is actually quite evil. You will probably find this shocking but Hope is the worst thing a person can have. Hope sets you up to take a fall. Hope gets her claws in you then rips your heart out with bitter dissappointment.

Just when you are feeling good and maybe even a bit happy is when the other shoe drops without fail. Got a good job making serious bucks? Don't worry, you'll get laid off or fired. Like your car? No fear, it'll soon get totalled when you smash it into a tree. In love with your cute girlfriend? She'll dump you soon enough.

If you're happy and the future seems to hold good things for you, just wait because it'll soon be a wreck. I know because I've been there. Several times in fact.

Hope knows just when to strike too. Spring.

It's very difficult to resist Hope in the spring. The warm weather. The pleasant sunny days. Girls in bikinis. Who can maintain thier winter grumpiness in the face of an all out assault of the renewing of life? Softened up by spring we become the willing pawns of Hope. How shocking when she yet again savages us with another round of bitter dissappointment. After which we inevitably vow "never again".

Only to be lined up when the next year rolls around. Eager to become Hope's latest victims.

2001-04-23T19:26:00.000-07:00

domo, domo

2001-04-22T17:02:00.000-07:00

Well, look it that. I'm gone for a few days and the Old Fart snaps like a twig. Sigh...... I knew it had to happen sooner or later. It was only a matter of time really.

Couldn't one of you cute female types have helped the old coot out a little? You know, gave him a little stress relief. If you know what I mean. Now I have to pick up the slack and keep the blog going all by myself. Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it.

On the plus side is that the lobotomy will most likely actually raise his I.Q. level. It can't hurt in any case.

"Return to being a useful member of society"? Huh? I never realized that he was a useful member of society in the first place. Learn something new every day.

I'd love to keep on blogging but I have a hot date tonight.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.......

2001-04-21T10:47:00.000-07:00

Another wonderful day in Happyville.Oh, smell the flowers! Feel the sunshine. Listen to the birds chirping. Step in the fresh dog poop. Isn't it loverly?

I'm so happy I feel like I might explode! I can't contain myself, I think I will have to ssssiiiiiinnnng.......

< Sorry but Old Fart has finally snapped and is now being dragged out of the house by men in white suits. Fear not, he will recieve the medical attention that he desperately needs (a lobotomy) so that he can return to being a useful member of society. >

2001-04-20T15:30:00.000-07:00

Much to report on the week's events. Sort of. We all know what an eventful life I lead. First off I won the New York Lotto! AND am now dating a swimsuit model....opps! Sorry, I was confusing a dream I had with real life again. I hate it when that happens.

Speaking of dreams, the other night I had a dream that all my teeth fell out. They were all so loose that I was able to pop them out with my tongue. I ended up with a handful of my own teeth and I started freaking out. Then I woke up. I HATE those dreams. The teeth falling out dreams are the worst nightmares I have.

After reading a bit about dream interpretation I think understand why those dreams upset me so much. Apparently dreams about losing one's teeth are fairly common. The dream is actually about the lack of control one has over his/her own life. The teeth represent power and the dream is the fear of the loss of power you have in your own life (according to what I read).

The explanation makes sense to me. Since I have almost no power over my own life it makes sense that I would have this dream. Perhaps that's why the dream frightens me so much. That and what vanity I possess.

I faithfully read a blog by the name of SuperHappyHappyFun Smile!!!!!!. The writer makes the comment about useless advice when it comes to finding a woman. At the very top of the list in my opinion is the "be yourself" bullshit. Be myself?! Who the @#&$ else am I supposed to be!? I'm being myself 24 hours a day, every day. It's not working! I'd rather be someone else. Someone who gets chicks. Or at least someone who can get A chick. Just one. That's all I ask.

If by some amazing stroke of luck there any regular readers of this humble blog I would suggest you click on the link above. The owner of that blog has much the same outlook (at least when it comes to females and isn't that what really matters?) as I do. However he expresses it better and the better sense of humor. If you're a regular reader because you are either short stuff or phansy and read this blog because you pity me and want to stroke my ego please ignore the advice.

2001-04-18T19:14:00.000-07:00

Wish I had something of interest to report. Still on the "hate being single with no hope of rescue" jag. It wouldn't be so bad if there even a hint of change somewhere on the horizon but there isn't.

That's the thing that I consider amazing. Even though I know that I am beyond any reasonable hope I still have hope none-the-less. I can't kill that tiny insignificant feeling that maybe someday I'll meet the right woman. Or at least a woman that is breathing that will actually agree to spend time with me.

I have the stink of desperation on me, I can't afford to be fussy anymore. I know that it will sound funny coming from a guy but I have my own version of a biological clock ticking away. Not that I'm worried about having kids all that much, that particular idea frightens the piss out of me. I'm not sure I'd make a good dad( not that I'll ever have the chance anyway). What I'm worried about is finding someone while I'm still relatively good-looking. If it's hard for me to find a woman while I have good hair how hard will it be if I'm bald someday? (I pray the day never comes). What if I get fat later in life? Ugh....or have to have false teeth? I'm running out of time dammit!

I'm not asking for much. Just a girl who's moderately interesting to talk with, who isn't so scary looking that I would run for the hills and who won't break my legs if she sat in my lap. Oh yeah, and neck rubs. She has to rub my neck when I get a headache. There. Now is that so much to ask? I think not. It's an entirely reasonable request in my opinion. I'm not asking for a supermodel. I'm not asking for someone who is out of my league. It's not I but rather the universe that's unreasonable! Expecting me to be single my whole life. Huh! Now that's unreasonable.

2001-04-17T16:14:00.000-07:00

What a very sad story. I think I'm going to cry now. Boo hoo hoo, poor Old Fart. My heart bleeds for you. The whole world is against him. Life is so unfair! The entirety of the female gender are all conniving against him. They just want to make him cry.

Or..... perhaps it's just that you're a loser, old man.

2001-04-16T18:08:00.000-07:00

Just read a guestbook entry from my friend phansy. I should point out that I tend to exaggerate a bit. If I say all women are liars I certainly don't mean that all women are liars. I don't actually hate women although it might seem that way from reading this blog. Yes, I do get angry and feel a certain amount of hostility towards the opposite sex. Much of what you read here is me letting out my frustration.

I don't write this to intentionally anger people and I don't do it to be purposefully insulting.

(a little edit there, a little edit here)

Okay, I'm not really all that old. I'm kinda ruining the whole idea of this blog but what the hey. I am on the wrong side of 30 and that's old enough for me.

The whole "someday you'll meet the right girl" thing. I've heard that since high school. After hearing it for 15 years it gets a bit old. "Someday" huh? Just when the #%!&*$ @&!# is SOMEDAY gonna come along??!! You know who goes around dispensing that sage advice? People who already have found the "right" one. You don't see me going around saying that. "You're absolutely right, you're gonna die a bitter lonely old crone, just like me," is what I tell people when approached about the subject.

2001-04-16T17:48:00.000-07:00

Why I Think Young American Women Suck, Part II

I have made an important discovery. Thinking is bad for you. ..... Well, it's bad for me at the very least. When I start thinking about things is when I realize how crappy life is.

I haven't lived in a craphole town as bad as Troy since I moved out of Worcester Ma. 13 years ago. I constantly have to listen my neighbor's frikkin rap music. I have no close friends anymore now that I moved away from them all. Right now my closest friends are people I only know on the internet. How's that for pathetic?

Not only don't I have a woman in my life but I don't even know any single women at anymore. None. Nada. Zilch. Zero. I think you get the idea. Of course the people I that I actually do know are completely useless in helping me meet available women. Nice to see that some things haven't changed at least. Knowing the right people is a big step in the right direction if you're looking for a girlfriend. In that regard I have never, EVER, EVER had the right friends.

As you may or may not realize, my life revolves around women. Actually, to be more accurate my life revolves around the lack of a woman. Oh, I can supress, repress, ignore and get around the problem most of the time. But I can never get away from it. It can't be talked, wished or psychoanalyzed away. I can go for months on end without the spectre of my dissatisfaction rearing it's ugly head but eventually the bill for feeling somewhat ok about life comes due. The bill can only be paid off by spending an indeterminate amount of time being hyper-aware of all my shortcomings. "Ignorance is bliss". Were there ever more true words spoken?

I realized that there are several factors in all this sudden self-examination. I managed to pretty much forget it until now but it's been almost exactly a year since I got dumped by my last girlfriend.

I was completely bowled over the from first time I met her. She was so incredibly cute. I knew there was no way that she would even be remotely interested in me. Something like that simply doesn't happen. So, of course I was shocked when I found out that she actually wanted to go out with me. She stuffed my head full of the usual sweet talking bullshit about how she liked nice guys with a good sense of humor and blah, blah, blah de blah. I should have known better right then. NO female of my acquaintance has ever, EVER gone out with a guy because he's a nice guy with a good sense of humor. Being the willing and eager chump that I am I jumped at the chance. It didn't take her too long to dump me so she could get back with her ex-boyfriend. .... I won't bother spelling out my precise reaction because it would involve too many four and five letter words. The best part of this is that the SAME EXACT THING happened to me not even a year and half before that!

I hope you won't be too shocked if I tell you I spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out if there was a way to get away with murder. I hope you don't think of me merely as a woman-hater. Mine is a completely equal opportunity contempt. I have the ability to be disgusted with the whole human race. I don't exclude myself from that either.

After all I should have known better. In fact, I did know better. Didn't stop me from being stupid though. That's what desperation does. Makes me stupid.

Perhaps it wouldn't bug me so much if there was an obvious reason for it. If I was a hideously ugly dirt poor asshole loser I would at least know why this crap happens to me. But I'm not. I might not be super handsome but I'm at least average in the looks department. Besides, I've seen plenty of butt-ugly guys who have no problem finding girlfriends. No, I'm not rich but I'm not dirt poor either. Again, plenty of guys who don't even have a pot to piss in do well in the girlfriend department. As far as being an asshole, OBVIOUSLY the fact that I'm not one is a HUGE handicap in finding a girlfriend. Why would any woman in her right mind want a nice guy when she can have a rude self-obsessed jerkwad? It truly is a mystery.

I can understand if after reading this you wonder how I can consider myself a nice guy. Here's something you might not know, all nice guys who are in the same boat I am feel like this. We just keep it to ourselves.

Why don't I end it on that cheerful note? I wouldn't want people to get overly jealous of my incredible happiness.

2001-04-14T16:48:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading a wonderful online comic called Avalon. Spent most of the day reading it. Funny but now I feel hideously lonely. Dammit I hate when I feel this way. Usually I'm fine being with alone but sometimes after watching a movie or reading a book that somehow makes me think of my own life I get to feeling this way.

I can go months without feeling this awful emptiness and then suddenly be ambushed by these feelings of despair. I know it's silly but what can I say? I'm silly. I know that by tomorrow or the next I'll probably be fine but right now I feel like crap.

I know that it's been building for a while now. What happens is that I go through periods where I'm able to be "numb"(for lack of a better word) to my own unhappiness with life. That is I'm able to forget the fact that I'm alone and get through the day not dwelling on the fact. Then Bam! it hits me like a brick wall and it's all I can seem to think about for awhile. Thankfully it doesn't last too long before I can get back to being my usually jolly self.

Now that I've been so cheerful I think I'll end it here for the day.